Marriage ranting

I sit in the car sometimes with my mother on the way to the train station to catch the train to school, listening to her tales of the newest drama on Sa Re Ga Ma Pa, or what family-friend did what at which party, and I swear I’m listening – I can recount everything she says. However, I can’t help but stare out the window and feel as if I want to just jump out of the car while the car’s still in motion. It sounds horrible, I know. It has nothing to do with her, though, to be honest, or with Sa Re Ga Ma Pa. Shaan is adorable, and my mother more so. It just feels like that is how my life is. Stuck in a car going somewhere with my mom or dad or whoever, making the best of the situation. I prefer being the one driving, literally, and figuratively. Things don’t always work out that way, though. I still haven’t mentioned what happened with that singer-chick to my parents. Nothing substantive developed with her, by the way- I’ll call her this week and see if she’s interested in bringing me on board, or not. I wasn’t sure that she was, but whatever.

Currently, everyone and their mom is still trying to get me married. I want to get married, but I just don’t like forced situations. I still want to marry a Sikh guy, but I can’t even remember why at this point. I feel bad when someone I know suggests that I marry someone I already know as a friend. How do I tell them that Sikh guys just don’t seem to be attracted to me? If they are, it may be physically… maybe. But they don’t like-like me. And the ones I meet in a setup situation, I just don’t connect with. I'm not saying that all Sikh men are like that, or that it will never happen. I'm just relaying the record so far. For the record, I don’t have problems with getting guys – I’ve had some hot guys attracted to me… they just happen to be non-Punjabi and non-Sikh. The summary of the situation is, I want to marry a Sikh guy, Sikh guys and I don’t end up connecting, and the non-Sikh guys I dig (that I can’t marry) dig me back. So basically, I’m screwed. The guys who meet my parents qualifications resume and family-wise, I form no connection with. I try – I give them an open and fair chance, but then when I do that, even when I don’t have the greatest feeling about it from the start, they get to go on record as having “rejected” me. I can’t even do that – one, because I’m busy giving them a fair chance, (apparently which I’m supposed to give “everyone”, but let’s be realistic), and two, because if I’m the one doing all the rejecting, everyone is going to hate on my parents for me being too picky. Especially since, according to the Desi Woman’s Marriage Points Formula as calculated and compared to the Desi Woman’s Marriage Potential Table, I’m not all that. They look at me and say “Well, at least she’s fair.” Ugh. I’m not tall, or skinny, and I talk too much. Oh, and I’m a feminist. Not a feminazi, just so you know, not that it matters. I’m a good Punjabi girl by many standards – I do gidha, I’m a star with the aunties, I’m into Punjabi music, and kind of fobby, some say, I’m semi-domesticated, and I love taking care of people when they’re in my home. However, I'm not skinny, I don't switch my entire personality based on which aunties are/aren't there, and I don't talk to people I dislike out of formality. Oh, and I'm comfortable with myself. Bleh.

Sorry for the rant.

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Today's Object of:

Affection: The guy that works in that Panini spot in Newark Penn Station. I get coffee/breakfast from there most days. We've become familiar with each other, he knows what kind of sandwich I want, he's really sweet and he always makes it just right. Good guy.

Hateration: No hateration today. I let out my rant above, and the weather is just too nice. :)